Day two and I"m all ready failing.  Its past noon and I haven't even worked out yet.  Its terribly cold today.  When the tempreture drops my anxiety tends to climb.  Mix that with the lack of sunlight, that is why I hate this time of year.  Its so cold, I"m finding it hard to type this out.

Last night as I was relaxing on the couch, I had a bit of a heart blip.  I think it missed three whole beats.  While a normal heart beat sounds like lub bud, lub dub lub dub, mine was, lub.....lub....lub....lub dub.  That can't be right.  Slowly the pain started to set in.  Like the inside of my chest is bruised.  "Normal heart function"  Thats what my cardiologist keep telling me, after my yearly ecocardiograms, but I find it hard to believe that something like that is okay.  How is that okay?

Today i'm terrified its going to happen again.  Its kept me glued to my chair, to scared to exert myself.  That doesn't really make much sense though, since it happened while I was lying on the couch.  I wish it could just go away.  The fear.  Maybe someday it will.  Thats not helping me today.  I really am going to be fat forever, if I can't get off my ass and do something.  Tomorrow...tomorrow will be better.